MEN AS STONES OF THE PATRIARCHY
ODUKOYA GRACE OMOLOLA
Centuries ago, before the invention of paper and pen, the unwritten rule,’THE PHYSICALLY STRONGER RULES’ was the order of the day and this was seen in strict hierarchies. Men obviously ruled. They were the leaders,protectors,warriors and prizes.
Roles were spelt out for each party. Men went out to hunt,war and provide while women stayed behind to take care of the home. There seemed to be balance as everyone knew their places but this system was flawed and relied on the total subjugation of women and heavily infused stereotypes.
Centuries later, after lots of fights, riots and diplomatic compromise, women were given more allowances. However, years of greatly enforced and instilled sexism and misogyny could be easily dismantled by the signatures in a few reluctantly signed papers. It had seeped deeply into every area of human lives.
Men are placed in a position of privilege, however with so many side effects. The patriarchy is a double edged sword. Placing men in a cage of grandeur, filled with privileges, barricaded with shiny swords piercing through the skin.
Men,the stronger gender, the logical gender, who are placed under so much scrutiny to act a certain way, feel a certain way, be a certain way. They are supposedly invincible.
‘Real men don’t cry!’ ‘Be a man!’ ‘Man up!’… statements said to little boys and men who probably need help. Men are taught toxic independence, where asking for help is seen as weak and emmasculating so they prefer to self harm and spiral into pits of doom lest they are seen as sissies.
Somehow, anger has been counted out as an unemotional response to situations and the seemingly feminine emotions like sadness,hurt, frustration and defeat are taboos. Many men turn to anger as a suitable replacement to majority of their real
emotions, yet claim to be so logical and unemotional.
Many men bottle up feelings until they eventually burst into irrational rage, probably turn into maniacs, or pick up a pain-numbing addiction or self harm.
Some men get raped, yet can’t voice out because of the stigma. They are supposed to enjoy it. ‘How can a man even get raped in the first instance?!’ They get mocked into silence or self-hate. Some even are scared to speak up,left to carry heavy burdens.
Effeminate men or men who don’t fit the strict mold of masculinity and gender stereotypes are mocked, bullied and hated. Unrealistic societal expectations to be an ‘Alpha fire-breathing hulk’ has really harmed men. There are few safe spaces for men to talk about issues like rape and people wonder why men commit suicide 2.6 times more than women.
Men are also humans of flesh and blood, not stones. They need all the help they can get to lead emotionally healthy lives. However, one cannot cry about the harm of patriarchy while clinging onto the privileges. He has to let go of the patriarchy.